Master the Art of "How to Say No" for More Time & Happiness
Learning how to say no can be a real challenge. You see saying no is like a muscle that needs to have regular exercise otherwise it becomes weak. And as your “saying no” muscle gets weaker, you end up doing more stuff you dislike and feeling like you never have time for yourself. Can you relate to that feeling? Explore how to say no and you’ll start to improve your overall happiness.
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Why do I keep getting sucked into stuff I don’t like doing?
First off, don’t beat yourself up. Oftentimes people who have difficulty saying no are working against their natural instincts. For example, you may be a people pleaser and thoroughly enjoy being able to provide help to those who ask for it. The problem normally arises when too many people are asking for your help or you’re not being realistic about the amount of time you can offer to others.
However, one of the biggest reasons people have a hard time saying no is because they are not aware of their boundaries or in fact, have never created healthy boundaries. But do not fear, setting boundaries is a lot easier than changing your natural instincts. People who are great at saying no understand their boundaries very well. They are confident when they have spare time, they know who they enjoy helping, and they have a good sense of when they are overcommitting.
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So how do I learn to say no?
Let’s start by examining some basic boundaries that you can set for yourself and others around you. Remember, boundaries are personal decisions and only you can determine what will work best for your life.
4 basic boundaries you can establish with examples
- Time Boundaries – this can be as simple as letting people know when it is a good time to call or as detailed as setting up a schedule for work meetings
- Material Boundaries – letting your roommates know what is off-limits to share or creating your own office at home with a lock on the door
- Emotional Boundaries – verbalizing how someone can support you by listening and not offering judgments or suggestions of solutions
- Work Boundaries – having clear outlines of role expectations, duties, and responsibilities or deadlines
- Explore more healthy boundaries
4 ways to verbally say no
- Thank you for asking, but no. Have you thought about asking (insert name), I think they would love to do it?
- No, based on previous experiences this is not something I would like to do.
- No, I currently have too much on my plate.
- Although I really want to say yes, it is best for me to say no because I will not be able to give it 100%
Practice makes permanent
The more you exercise your muscle to say no the easier it will become with time to practice. Although, sometimes you may be met with confrontation, but again the more you understand your boundaries the more confident you will feel in your decisions to say no.
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